Insights to Life from my Cat

*Side note introduction: I have never really observed a cat before. I have never owned a cat before (I still don't) and I used to always have something against cats (the kittens were always cute, the big cats...notsomuch). But now I have a cat to take care of that came with the house I am sitting for several months. His name is Ash. I have come to like Ash and am learning to be thankful for him. My nick name for him is 'Little Buddy'.*

The Trust of a Cat
Tonight Ash climbed onto my lap and got comfortable. He then nudged me to pet him, nothing new. Then he nuzzled his head into my hand, put his paw over his face, and closed his eyes to nap; so relaxed, not a worry in sight. (I wish I had a picture to post, he was so cute, but I would have ruined the moment had I gotten up). I realized that, because of the placement of my hand, had I moved my hand his head would have fallen off my lap. Did he know that? I don't know. Did he even think about that? I doubt it. He just trusted that I would hold his head steady and keep him warm.
How many people have I ever trusted like that? Not knowing or even thinking about what would happen if they let me go, but just trusting that they will support me and love me. I think it is often even hard to trust God with that. I feel many people, whether key players or not, in my life have 'let me fall' enough times to cause me to doubt rather than innocently trust. I am not really referring to trusting random people (I realize there can be an element of danger in completely trusting strangers) but I am more so referring to my friends, my peers, those I love.
I want to be able to trust so innocently like Ash. But even more so, I want to be seen as one capable of receiving the trust of others.

The Contentment of a Cat
As the sun shines through the windows Ash is drawn towards it. (Often because it is reflecting off something and he chases the bouncing light.) He will go over and just plop on the floor and stretch out in the warmth of the sun. It doesn't matter that his 'bath' was interrupted or that the floor is hard. He is simply content to just bask in the presence or the sun for a while. I guess I could look at it as laziness, but because I tend to be optimistic I see it as contentment. I want to be so content. I want to put aside my duties, worries, obligations, to go bask in something so simple; friendships, silence, God's presence, actual sunlight, whatever it may be. It is often so hard to let go of the worries and be content with what is...

Simple Joys
There are bird feeders outside the windows that line the front sitting room of the house and Ash will watch them all day (in between eating, bathing, litter boxing, and napping). I know when he has found some exciting birds because he gets this high short squeal to his meow. Sometimes he scales the window to try to catch them. If there are no birds he royally lays in the corner chair and watch small animals or people. I honestly don't know what else he does all day (other than what I already mentioned, plus climbing on my lap and chasing the mouse arrow on my computer screen). Now I am not saying I want this to be my life. I think it would feel empty and rather meaningless to me. But It does make me think about simply enjoying what is present and not needing more.

Personal Lessons from Ash
My Little Buddy has honestly caused me to rediscover something about myself that I thought I had lost. For sooo loong I have dreamed of being a wife and mother. I still dream of it. However, sometimes it is easier to try to forget or submerge a dream that doesn't seem it will become reality anytime soon, rather than hold onto it and hope. That is what I had done for the last several years with my dream of being a mother. In having to care for my Little Buddy and have him depend on me for so much it has brought my maternal instincts back to the surface. There is a huge part of me that was created to nurture and love with the tenderness of a mother. I don't know much beyond that. I don't have answers or insights to my future. I just have a cat for a few more months that needs me to take care of him.

Well those are my insights into life from my cat. You may think I'm crazy or that cats are evil. But I'm thankful for my Little Buddy. He keeps me company when I am lonely. He warms my lap on a cold night. He 'sings' to me each morning and greats me with 'kisses'. He reminds me to trust, be content and enjoy the little things.

Dust

Ash Wednesday always makes me feel somewhat useless. I see the ashes on my forehead all day long and am continually reminded that from dust I came and to dust I will return. My initial thought is that dust is the layer of grime people never want in their house. But then I’m reminded that dust can also be a blessing. “May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi.” If I could choose what kind of dust I want to be, I would choose to be the dust that Jesus stirs up as he walks and teaches.

But then, I guess I can choose. I can choose whether I want to settle or be stirred up by my Rabbi. However it is a continual choice I need to make. For even the dust that gets stirred up settles eventually. Then I need to make a choice again.
Settle or be stirred.

I know what I want to choose. What will you choose?